I interviewed for a side job last night as a native proofreader helping a local translator make his work sound like an American wrote it. We met at a coffee shop, where he was looking through recent projects. We’d spoken online and emailed a few times; this was the first face-to-face.

First question: “What’s the difference between American and Canadian English?”

I’d never actually thought about this. I don’t really think about the English we speak in the States and that of our northern neighbors as being any different at all, except a slight accent we poke fun at in movies.

“Maybe the spelling of a few words,” I said, not sure what answer he was looking for.

“This company specifically wants ‘American English,’” he said.

“Well, I’m an American,” I told him, but I had a nervous grin and probably looked like I was bluffing. This is why I don’t play poker. “I’m not Canadian.”

We moved on to other parts of the job: pay rates, frequency of work, how he operated in general. Then he came back to Canada.

“But really,” he said, “there’s no difference between written Canadian and American English?”

“I don’t know,” I said again. “Maybe the spelling of a few words. I can ask my Canadian friends.”

A twinge of realization crossed his face. “You’re really not Canadian? You’re really an American?”

I pulled out my passport and dropped it in front of him. “I was born in Los Angeles,” I said (not exactly accurate, but close enough). He looked relieved. I don’t know what’s wrong with Canadians, but I guess my nationality saved him an explanation to his client.

—

Earlier in the evening, I was sitting in a different coffee shop when I overheard a friend tutoring a pre-teen Chinese girl. I didn’t catch the topic, but I caught an explanation of UFO and ET (both the acronym and the movie).

“It’s possible that maybe, just maybe, there’s life out there somewhere,” my friend said.

Maybe this is a bit wrong-headed, but I couldn’t help thinking: “The Chinese can barely handle white people. They’ve s pent most of their history deriding eanything outside the ‘Middle Kingdom’ as barbarian. What would they do with something from another planet?”

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